One of the things I have come to see and observe about things that I experience and go through is when people try to help me often times they – unknowingly- tell me how I should be feeling instead of being ok with how I am actually feeling.
I have been told things like, “Focus on the positive, not the negative.” “Look at the many good things you have going in life, forget about the bad things.”
“Move on from this.” “You can’t act [feel] like this.” “You just need to let this go,” and many other such phrases.
I often beat myself up because of this thinking, “Man I can’t get anything right! I can’t even get my feelings right. Even my feelings are wrong!”
I have learned that this of course is not true. It is ok for me to feel the way I feel.
It’s ok if I cannot define my feelings or the reasons for feeling them.
What matters is what I do with the feelings. As long as I do not act out in a negative or harmful way because of my feelings, I am ok. I am doing nothing wrong.
Sometimes I feel really, really sad. I don’t always know why. I guess and speculate, but often find more questions than answers.
Sometimes I am angry, especially at those I feel have hurt me, especially at those I love. Sometimes I am angry with myself. Why can’t I get things right?
I have struggled a lot with the notion that I should just be able to pick myself up and “move on.” Like somehow I can stop the feelings of love I have towards people who have hurt me.
I am told the logic, “They have hurt you, so stop loving them and move on. You don’t need them in your life any more. You have plenty of other friends and positive things in your life.” – As if they are like a dead car battery I can just toss in the recycle bin and put in a new one and it would be the same.
I cannot feel like that toward people. So I am sad about the ones I love who have turned away from me.
Please do not tell me I cannot feel that way.
It is ok to feel the way I feel.
