How can I help someone with a BCD?
(Brain Chemistry Deficiency - i.e. anxiety, depression, bipolar, etc.)
I am sure there are
lots of ways out there that you can help someone. I am going to share what has
helped me and what I feel from my experiences that have worked or would work.
If you are someone with a BCD and would like to share your ideas, please send
them to LDSBCDSUPPORT@hotmail.com
and I will post them on this site.
You may do it
anonymously or just use your first name. I do not publish last names. Share
what you feel comfortable with sharing. You don’t need to share anything that
is too personal. Thanks in advanced for helping build this site. If you are
LDS/ religious and would like to share how the gospel / religion has helped you
that would be great!
How can you help your friend that has a BCD?
Here are some things that I have found that have helped me
or would help me as a person with a BCD.
As my friend, I would
like you to learn about my condition.
Whether I have Bi-Polar, Anxiety, Depression, Schizophrenia
etc. it would help me for you to get the facts of what it is and what it is
not.
The more education about the facts about my condition you
can get, the more likely you will not fall victim to the false negative stigmas
that float around out there about medical conditions some still call “mental
illnesses.”
Learn about my symptoms.
This will help you understand better some behaviors you may
see and not be afraid of them.
Ask me lots of questions.
Ask me what works for me as far as help. For example, I personally
have a primary of anxiety and a secondary of depression. I get panic attacks.
What helps me the most when I am having a panic attack is to have someone to
talk to. It helps me to take my mind off of the attack and helps calm my brain
activity.
Please do not try to “fix” me.
You cannot. You do not need to worry about saying the right
thing or be afraid that you will say the wrong thing. If you are sincerely
trying, I will know and do appreciate your efforts. Just a casual conversation
about what ever helps me. Sometimes I need to do all the talking; I just need
you there to listen, to be my “security blanket” until my brain activity calms
down.
The medical theory about what is happening to me during this
time is that my brain chemistry becomes unbalanced causing my “fight or flight”
portion of my brain to go into hyperactivity causing extreme feelings of fear
and terror. I need to be able to calm that down. I will give you directions of
what I need at the moment.
Be patient with me during attacks.
I may be repetitive in what I say because it is something
that I have learned helps me. Just listen patiently.
Be a good listener.
What ever a person’s BCD is and does to them, we need
friends who can just be good listeners.
Be a good friend.
Realize that one of the most important coping skills for
people with a BCD is building a support network of friends.
You don’t need to be a doctor to help us.
I have a doctor. What I need is a friend. That is all that I
need from you. I need your friendship.
You don’t need to try to fix us, especially with logic.
Logic goes out the door when brain chemistry goes sideways. We know you just mean to help but not even the “doctors” can fix us. All they can do is treat us and teach us coping skills.
It is ok. You do not need to feel bad or like it is your
responsibility to “fix” us because it is not. No pressure on you!
Treat us like a normal person!
I cannot stress this enough! We are normal people! We are
normal people dealing with a medical issue. Think of us like your diabetic friends.
Your diabetic friends have a “chemical imbalance” too. Their chemical is
insulin. Insulin is a chemical in the body that processes sugars for
metabolism.
When their sugars are off it can effect organs in their body, including the organ of the brain. This can cause even them to have “mood swings” and other issues.
Remember, the brain is just another organ in the body like the kidneys or liver.
Each has its function. The brain symptoms are just more
visible because it controls thoughts, feelings and emotions. So when chemicals are out of balance in our
body that effects this organ, you may witness altered thinking patterns and
behaviors.
This is nothing to be frightened of.
Just realize that the person is dealing with off balanced
chemicals.
We are like diabetics that need to balance their insulin
chemical, we need to learn to balance our brain chemicals. Chemicals like
serotonin, nor epinephrine and dopamine.
How can our church leaders help us?
For me, it is important that you do not “pity” me. I just
want a normal life, to be treated like a normal person.
Please learn about me, my condition and be sensitive to what
I can cope with as far as callings and pressures.
For me personally, I do not want to be “discounted” for a
calling position because of my medical condition. If you feel inspired to offer
me a calling, make that calling. If I feel like it is too much, let me be the
one to tell you. I will. But as for me personally, I am ok with anything. (I
love to teach, if you cannot tell).
Support me in my calling.
Be open to learning from me, as I try to help you understand
my condition and my needs.
I do not want to be a burden for you, but remember;
I have a testimony of your calling and look to you for leadership, inspiration
and council. Please do not run away from that. Because of your position, I
value your input and need you to be a part of my life as my leader, and more
importantly, as my friend.
Please be ok with the fact that I may need to ask you for
help from time to time. I do not want to be a burden, but sometimes I need
service from others to help me cope without overwhelming others, including my
family.
I want to serve in return.
I will gladly serve you or any
other that needs service, so please do not hesitate to call on me to
participate.
Do not feel afraid
nor uncomfortable about asking me about my condition and how I am doing.
You are not going to offend me.
I appreciate your concern. I just ask that our conversations be positive and not degrading or scolding becauseof things I may be dealing with.
I need to feel like you really care. I need
you to really care. If you are struggling with this, please pray for help with patience and understanding.
Overall for everybody in my life, the most important thing I need is to feel accepted and loved.
Let me say that again;
I need to feel loved! I need your friendship. I need a normal life.
If I mess up, forgive me.
Accept me back into your life and help me pick up the pieces that have
shattered.
Please do not reject me because of my struggles. Keep me
involved in your life. I love people. I want to love people.
I am not perfect.
Sometimes my treatments effect me in unexpected ways. Please be patient with
that, please understand that.
Please do not cast me out because of that. It hurts too badly.
Just love me for me! Don’t ignore me, treat me like a person; a NORMAL person!
Please remember what the Savior teaches us in Matt 25
“Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these
my brethren, ye have done it unto me.
Fore I was hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and
ye gave me drink: I was a stranger and ye took me in:
Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me:
I was in prison (mentally), and ye came
unto me.”
